Why emotions are so intense with ASD + ADHD (AuDHD)

Do you know that feeling when your emotions hit you like a tsunami, or when you feel nothing at all, even though you know you “should” feel something? If you live with both ASD and ADHD (AuDHD), emotional intensity is often not the exception but the norm. But… why is that?

Why emotions are so intense with ASD + ADHD (AuDHD)

The double dance of emotions

Imagine your brain as a mixing board with two sliders.One controls the amount of input that comes in (ASD).The other controls how much stimulation you need to feel good (ADHD).

Sometimes both sliders are set to max: you feel everything, everything is too much.Sometimes both are set to minimum: you feel little to nothing, even if you’d like to.

ASD: Overstimulation, when everything is too much

People with ASD often experience emotions intensely because their nervous system filters less.Sounds, lights, smells, looks, expectations… everything comes in just as strong.This can make a small trigger (a comment, an unexpected change) cause a huge emotional wave.

Metaphor: Your nervous system is like a cabinet with open drawers: each emotion opens a drawer, until they’re all open at once and you don’t know where to start tidying up.

ADHD: Understimulation, when everything is too little

With ADHD, it’s often the opposite:You’re actually searching for stimulation, for something to “switch on” your brain.You can feel flat, empty, or bored,... until suddenly you have an emotional outburst, often triggered by something small.

Metaphor: Your emotions are like an engine idling: sometimes it suddenly roars to life, but often it just sputters along, waiting for the right fuel.

The paradox: intensity through contradiction

With AuDHD, these two systems are constantly clashing:Your ASD side wants calm and clarity, but your ADHD side craves excitement and variety.Your ASD side gets flooded by too much emotion, your ADHD side gets frustrated by too little.

Result:You can jump from feeling emotionally flat to overwhelmed in an instant, without warning.Your emotions seem unpredictable, even to yourself.

Why are emotions so hard to regulate with AuDHD?

• Double filters: You don’t have just one, but two systems deciding what comes in and what’s needed.

• Rapid swings: You can go from understimulation to overstimulation in a single day (or hour!).

• Hard to pinpoint: Is this emotion “too much” (ASD) or “too little” (ADHD)? Or both at the same time?

Practical tips: learning to distinguish your emotions

1. Do you feel mostly overwhelmed?

   
   

   → Look at external stimuli (ASD): What came at you from outside?

2. Do you feel mostly empty or restless?

   
   

   → Look at internal stimuli (ADHD): Are you lacking challenge or feeling bored?

3. Rate your emotion: Is it 0 (nothing) or 10 (everything at once)?

   
   

   → This makes it more concrete and less scary.

4. Write down what happened before.

   
   

   → You’ll often spot patterns: after social pressure (ASD) or after too little stimulation (ADHD).

5. Be gentle with yourself.

   
   

   → You’re not “too sensitive” or “too dramatic.” You just have a brain with a unique mixing board.

Finally: you are not alone

Emotional intensity is part of AuDHD. It’s not a flaw in your system, but a logical result of two powerful—sometimes contradictory—neurological styles.The good news? You can learn to recognize: “Is this too much or too little?” and adjust your strategy accordingly.

Maya and the double dance (PDF)

€19.99€15.00

Buy Now

The next blog will be about: “From chaos to choreography: the journey to mastery.”