The secret between rigidity and chaos: flexible structure (AuDHD)
- Nov 4
- 2 min read
Too much structure feels like a prison. Too little structure feels like chaos.
When you have ASD + ADHD, you're stuck between two extremes. Your ASD side screams for planning and predictability. Your ADHD side screams for freedom and spontaneity.
There must be a middle ground, right?
There is. And it's called flexible structure.
What doesn't work
❌ Rigid planning (ASD solution)
Every day exactly the same. Every hour scheduled. No room for deviation.→ Your ADHD side feels trapped and rebels
❌ No planning (ADHD solution)
Completely free, spontaneous, "we'll see what happens"→ Your ASD side gets stressed and overwhelmed
What does work: frameworks with space
Flexible structure means:
Fixed anchor points
(for ASD predictability)Variable content (for ADHD freedom)
Example:
❌ Rigid: "Monday 9:00-10:00: answer emails"
❌ Chaos: "I'll do something with emails when I feel like it"
✅ Flexible: "Every morning 1 hour admin, but I choose what (emails, invoices, planning)"
The three levels of structure
Not everything needs the same amount of structure:
🔵 Level 1: Fixed (5-10% of your day)
Non-negotiable: medication, eating, sleeping, crucial deadlines
🟡 Level 2: Flexible (60-70% of your day)
Frameworks with choices: "2 hours focus work, but I choose which project"
🟠 Level 3: Free (20-30% of your day)
No plan, complete freedom, spontaneity
Why this works
Your ASD side gets predictability (the frameworks)
Your ADHD side gets variety (the choices within frameworks)
Both sides are heard
But how do you build this?
That's the art. And it's different for everyone.
In "Maya and the double dance," you'll discover:
How to find your personal balance
Which parts of your day need to be fixed and which can be flexible
How to plan without feeling trapped
What to do when your planning turns out to be too rigid or too chaotic
It's a dance, not a formula
There's no perfect system that works for everyone. But there are principles you can apply to your unique situation.
In the next blog: The social choreography: how do you navigate social situations without burnout?
€19.99
Maya and the double dance (PDF)
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