Social situations with ASD + ADHD (AuDHD): too much and too little at the same time

You're at a birthday party. Too many people, too much noise, too many stimuli, your ASD side wants to leave. But the conversation is interesting, something's happening, there's stimulation, your ADHD side wants to stay.

Social situations with ASD + ADHD (AuDHD): too much and too little at the same time

Your body doesn't know whether to flee or stay.

Welcome to the social paradox of ASD + ADHD (AuDHD).

The AuDHD emergency toolkit

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The double challenge

ASD side in social situations:

• Sensory overload (sound, light, crowds)

• Social energy runs out

• Need for predictability and structure

• Wants to know: how long will this last? When can I leave?

ADHD side in social situations:

• Seeks stimulation and novelty

• Interesting conversations = dopamine

• Struggles with long, boring conversations

• Impulsive: stays longer than is good

The result?

You stay too long (ADHD wants the stimulation), become overloaded (ASD has reached its limit), and need days to recover.

The social choreography

What if you plan in advance:

• How long you'll stay (ASD predictability)

• When you'll take breaks (ASD recovery)

• Which conversations you'll seek out (ADHD stimulation)

• How you'll leave (exit strategy for both sides)

Three social situations, three strategies

1. Large groups (parties, networking)

• Highest energy cost for ASD

• Highest stimulation for ADHD

• Strategy: short duration, planned breaks, fixed exit time

2. Small groups (friends, family)

• Moderate energy cost for ASD

• Moderate stimulation for ADHD

• Strategy: longer duration possible, but check-ins with yourself

3. One-on-one (deep conversation)

• Lowest energy cost for ASD (predictable, fewer stimuli)

• High stimulation for ADHD (if topic is interesting)

• Strategy: often energy-neutral or even energizing!

The discovery

Not all social situations are equal. Some are exhausting, others energizing. The art is discovering which is which, for you.

But how do you plan this?

In "Maya and the Double Dance," you'll learn:

• How to predict social energy

• When to stop (even when your ADHD side wants to continue)

• How to plan breaks without being rude

• Which social formats give you energy

Maya and the double dance (PDF)

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It's not about avoiding

It's about choosing consciously. About making connections without exhausting yourself.

Next blog: Perfection versus completion: why projects never get finished.