Understanding the spectrum: no two children are the same

"If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." This statement by Dr. Stephen Shore captures it perfectly. ASD is a spectrum. From children who are non-verbal to highly gifted children who excel in all areas except socially.

Let's introduce Sam, Emma, and Lucas. Three children with ASD who need completely different support.

Sam, Emma, and Lucas: three different stories

Sam (6 years old): Talks a lot, knows all dinosaurs by name, but struggles with making friends. He doesn't understand social cues and takes everything literally. At school, he often sits alone, not because he doesn't want friends, but because he doesn't know how.

Emma (8 years old): Very intelligent, already reads at university level, but gets overwhelmed in busy spaces. She's learned to act 'normal' by copying other children, but comes home exhausted. Her ASD was discovered late because she 'masks' so well.

Lucas (5 years old): Doesn't speak yet, but does communicate - by leading your hand to things he wants. He loves routine, becomes anxious with changes, but can play focused for hours with water or sand. His parents learned to understand his unique communication style.

The two core areas of ASD

According to the DSM-5, ASD is characterized by challenges in two main areas.

1. Social communication and interaction

This can look very different:

• Level 1 (formerly Asperger's):

  • Does speak, but misses social nuances

  • Wants friends, but doesn't know how

  • Difficulty with non-verbal communication (body language, facial expressions)

  • May seem 'normal' but often feels like an outsider

• Level 2:

  • More limited social skills

  • Needs clear support in social situations

  • Difficulty with changes in social context

• Level 3:

  • Severe challenges in social communication

  • Minimal social initiation

  • Needs intensive support

2. Restricted, repetitive behavioral patterns

Again, huge differences here:

• movements and Routines:

  • From subtle (finger movements) to noticeable (hand flapping)

  • From small rituals to rigid daily structures

  • From slight preference for routine to panic with change

• interests:

  • From intense hobbies to obsessive focus

  • From broad (all animals) to very specific (only blue trains)

  • From temporary to lasting years

• sensory sensitivities:

  • From mild sensitivity to extreme over- or under-sensitivity

  • Can vary per sense (oversensitive to sound, undersensitive to touch)

Why 'spectrum'?

The spectrum idea helps us understand that:

• Strengths and weaknesses can coexist: Emma reads like a professor but can't make friends

• Support needs vary enormously: Sam needs different help than Lucas

• Development isn't linear: Skills can come and go

• Context matters: Home can be different from school

Common misunderstandings

"He can do it, he just doesn't want to" Children with ASD do their best. If something doesn't work, it's often about how we ask or the circumstances.

"She seems so normal" Many children, especially girls, learn to 'mask' - copying normal behavior. This is exhausting and the real challenges remain.

"You outgrow autism" ASD is lifelong, but with the right support, people can learn to cope with their challenges and use their strengths.

The power of individual approach

"Every child with ASD has their own 'user manual' - and it's worth getting to know."

For Sam, it works to discuss social situations beforehand. Emma needs quiet places to recover. Lucas needs visual support to understand what's going to happen.

What does this mean for you as a parent?

• Don't compare your child with others with ASD - every child is unique

• Focus on what your child needs - not on what 'belongs' to ASD

• Celebrate progress - even small steps count

• Seek support that fits - one-size-fits-all doesn't work

In the next blog, we'll dive deeper into the sensory world of ASD - an aspect that's often overlooked but has enormous impact.